you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
