Umm I'm too high to move.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
