Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize