just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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