She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
