Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize