The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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