But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
