Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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