I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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