you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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