I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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