...so i touched it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I DEMAND FORESKIN
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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