Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
