the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
