I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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