he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
