I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
