well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
