god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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