My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
