Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
