i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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