you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
