I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
