Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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