I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
