Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
