So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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