well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
