I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize