How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
