i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
