just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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