one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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