I murdered the dance floor call the cops
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I want her autograph on my taint
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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