He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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