Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
