i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
