What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
