Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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