i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
