I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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