as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
