even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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