How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
