I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
