Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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