party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
