dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Alive.
So much puke
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
