I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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