puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
