Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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