I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
