btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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