when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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