just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
