Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
