Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
