If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
