The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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