then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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