I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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