We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
