i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
