Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
