I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
