I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Randomize
