I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
