How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
