I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
