She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
