So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
