im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
