At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How naked do you want me to be?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
