you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
