she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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