he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
