i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
