thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
