good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
