is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
