She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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