She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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