The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
