Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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