Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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