I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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