girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
