allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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