If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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