It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
