dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize