you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
