I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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