"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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