I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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