I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
