the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
