just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
