Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
