My hand turned me down
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I enjoy the company of your penis
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
