So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
