I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so let's talk penis.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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