Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
