just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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