So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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