She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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