i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
