just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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