dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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