You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
