I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
